Well lately, I've been a mean, selfish, stupid, uncaring, judgemental, non-understanding, non-approachable, freaky, weird, hyper, retarded, jealous poop faced jerk. ^_^ I just wanted to get that out into the open.
And it's not just because I've been moody latey...I think we all know why I have, but that's no excuse at all~! I went from really liking someone and wanting to be there for them to erasing every trace that I even knew them in a few days, because of my me-ness. T_T'
Which sucks more than anything, because I'm always so sensitive...always thinking I'm bothering someone or swearing that someone hates me. = [ It's more tiring than anything...but sometimes I just feel like I'm putting in all of the effort in a friendship. = ( I may be asking too much, but sometimes I like to be welcomed once in a while, or get a happy "hello" sometimes...or a "how are you...?" to show that you actually care. I do get that from some of my friends...= ]
I don't know...lately it's just kind of been all upside down for me...since I always get reminded of certain people and for some silly reason, I keep thinking I can help them, and somehow make them happy. Or make them see the really wonderful things in life...or become their friend, or someone they actually think about or treasure in their lives...but then again, that's my terrible habit...I want to feel needed a lot of times...^^ Or else I'm just a strange girl floating around in this world, trying in vain to make people smile once or twice. It never works because I'm too annoying, but I try anyway. This is a really long blog so far isn't it...T_T' If you are reading this you should probably go because at this point I'm feeling pretty sad and might blab on forever! And then go mentally insane and start dancing in my tears. ^^ Like a sprinkler. ^^
Starting from last night, I think everything went spiraling downward. I always think it's so easy to be happy since I tend to be a lot, but people are different. Things can scar their fragile hearts, and they may no be able to smile easily...or maybe have lost the will to do a lot of things...including being happy in any way shape, or form. Sad things may have happenned in their lives, so it may be even harder for them...I'm stupid, so I always just think they're being negative. But that's not really true at all. I screwed up big time, blew up, deleted a bunch of hablahblah moo moo person(s)...well just one but it's embarrassing so I'm being an idiot to cover up. T_T And was acting all depressed and bothered for the rest of the night. This morning I woke up crying...I think I must have had a sad dream~! = ] ^_^ Usually I talk in my sleep. My favorite thing to say according to my grammy is "I love you." = ] I wonder why...Y__Y Maybe I love too much. I leave myself wide open to get hurt, don't I...?
Sometimes I really don't know what's wrong with me...or why I feel certain feelings...it's just, I want to make people happy. It's what I live for...^_^ I'm terrible at it, but for some reason I want to keep trying because I think that's the most important thing in the world...I want to make people feel loved, and give them all of the love I possibly can~! =D So that maybe, their life will be a little bit better. Actually...I wouldn't need anything in return if someone would let me in to love them...
I think they'd realize how much of a wonderful person they were, and what a bright future they have ahead of them if a silly person like me could care about them so much...anyone else could love them so much more. I just...would really like that. ^_^ I wanted to be friends.
^______^ But I have lots of support. Many people have already granted all of my wishes, and helped me to become the person I am today~!
Woooooooooooooow this was really pointless I think. T_T' Well...actually, I feel a lot better now that I got all of that out~! That took a lot of guts I think. ^^ I feel a little proud... = ] But whether or not things get better from here isn't really something I worry about I suppose. ^_^ You can't force friendships, or love, or happiness, or positivity. ^_^ I think I was forcing fate for a minute there too... = ] I think this is where things are suppossed to be for a reason. ^_^ Because everything happens for a reason~! =D Well..>__< I wonder if something will happen for a reason from this reason which happenned for a reason. O_O Then that would mean I wasn't really forcing anything....T_T' I'll just let go and let life do the rest~! =D And fate! =D And destiny!!
It's so exciting. ^_^ We'll see what happens. I hope it's good! To tell the truth, I've been going down a pretty sad, lonely, path of the jealous friend...T_T''' Not pretty at all~! It's like, I want huggles and love too~! Noo, only theeey get it. Okay then, let's talk~! =D *depression depression depression* Or not...wait no! I'm not giving up! *tries to be happy* Everything will be okay, okay!? =D
And it's not just because I've been moody latey...I think we all know why I have, but that's no excuse at all~! I went from really liking someone and wanting to be there for them to erasing every trace that I even knew them in a few days, because of my me-ness. T_T'
Which sucks more than anything, because I'm always so sensitive...always thinking I'm bothering someone or swearing that someone hates me. = [ It's more tiring than anything...but sometimes I just feel like I'm putting in all of the effort in a friendship. = ( I may be asking too much, but sometimes I like to be welcomed once in a while, or get a happy "hello" sometimes...or a "how are you...?" to show that you actually care. I do get that from some of my friends...= ]
I don't know...lately it's just kind of been all upside down for me...since I always get reminded of certain people and for some silly reason, I keep thinking I can help them, and somehow make them happy. Or make them see the really wonderful things in life...or become their friend, or someone they actually think about or treasure in their lives...but then again, that's my terrible habit...I want to feel needed a lot of times...^^ Or else I'm just a strange girl floating around in this world, trying in vain to make people smile once or twice. It never works because I'm too annoying, but I try anyway. This is a really long blog so far isn't it...T_T' If you are reading this you should probably go because at this point I'm feeling pretty sad and might blab on forever! And then go mentally insane and start dancing in my tears. ^^ Like a sprinkler. ^^
Starting from last night, I think everything went spiraling downward. I always think it's so easy to be happy since I tend to be a lot, but people are different. Things can scar their fragile hearts, and they may no be able to smile easily...or maybe have lost the will to do a lot of things...including being happy in any way shape, or form. Sad things may have happenned in their lives, so it may be even harder for them...I'm stupid, so I always just think they're being negative. But that's not really true at all. I screwed up big time, blew up, deleted a bunch of hablahblah moo moo person(s)...well just one but it's embarrassing so I'm being an idiot to cover up. T_T And was acting all depressed and bothered for the rest of the night. This morning I woke up crying...I think I must have had a sad dream~! = ] ^_^ Usually I talk in my sleep. My favorite thing to say according to my grammy is "I love you." = ] I wonder why...Y__Y Maybe I love too much. I leave myself wide open to get hurt, don't I...?
Sometimes I really don't know what's wrong with me...or why I feel certain feelings...it's just, I want to make people happy. It's what I live for...^_^ I'm terrible at it, but for some reason I want to keep trying because I think that's the most important thing in the world...I want to make people feel loved, and give them all of the love I possibly can~! =D So that maybe, their life will be a little bit better. Actually...I wouldn't need anything in return if someone would let me in to love them...
I think they'd realize how much of a wonderful person they were, and what a bright future they have ahead of them if a silly person like me could care about them so much...anyone else could love them so much more. I just...would really like that. ^_^ I wanted to be friends.
^______^ But I have lots of support. Many people have already granted all of my wishes, and helped me to become the person I am today~!
Woooooooooooooow this was really pointless I think. T_T' Well...actually, I feel a lot better now that I got all of that out~! That took a lot of guts I think. ^^ I feel a little proud... = ] But whether or not things get better from here isn't really something I worry about I suppose. ^_^ You can't force friendships, or love, or happiness, or positivity. ^_^ I think I was forcing fate for a minute there too... = ] I think this is where things are suppossed to be for a reason. ^_^ Because everything happens for a reason~! =D Well..>__< I wonder if something will happen for a reason from this reason which happenned for a reason. O_O Then that would mean I wasn't really forcing anything....T_T' I'll just let go and let life do the rest~! =D And fate! =D And destiny!!
It's so exciting. ^_^ We'll see what happens. I hope it's good! To tell the truth, I've been going down a pretty sad, lonely, path of the jealous friend...T_T''' Not pretty at all~! It's like, I want huggles and love too~! Noo, only theeey get it. Okay then, let's talk~! =D *depression depression depression* Or not...wait no! I'm not giving up! *tries to be happy* Everything will be okay, okay!? =D
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