~strange one~

I miss my individuality. I feel insignificant and like i have a loss of identity. I'm not saying i want brown hair back, just being able to look like I wanted to, not feeling restricted in at least that, i feel restricted in everything now in a way, i can't even control the one thing i could, the way i look. It was something I took pride in, i made a lot of effort in myself, now I hardly ever do. I don't get dressed up just to make me feel better about myself, i don't bother doing my make up with time and care anymore, i just don't take pride in myself anymore.

And I feel boring, like I don't mind people laughing, or doing crazy or whatever, I'm just somewhat jealous in a weird way because they are having fun, they are being young and reckless, being stupid, laughing, enjoying all the wrong things but that is what makes it even better. I just don't like it when people talk about what they did on the weekend or anytime around me because I just feel angry at everything when they do because they are happy and enjoying life and Im always doing the right thing, the right thing by everyone else, I want to do a bit of wrong every now and then?