Have not posted in a bit, seems life doesn't have much of interest/gossip for me, besides being in love with Dhipo, and I'm okay with the fact that my life revolves around us, though that is really only one of the not many things which is positive and happy in my life which leaves holes or spaces for the negatives to make rest in.
First of, never being happy with who i am or what my appearance is, I have spoken of this several times before, but it is getting to the point where it is the constant topic of the voices in my head, i'm constantly wanting to change myself, when i do, it works for the first day, then it doesn't or it doesn't at all. I get frustrated easily with myself, which makes me angry and negative. Just before, it sounds silly, but i was trying to do my hair and it just want really getting me worked up and angry because it never is the way i want it, and i was at the point where i wanted to scream at the mirror "I hate you" instead i said it under my breath.
Problem is I don't know what is me or what i want to do to myself, and even worse, i feel like I can't do anythign about it yet because of everyone else, my school, stupid stupid school, maybe my family sometimes, my age, sometimes Dhipo and what he'd think, just i feel like I can't go out and do something to try find more of me, because of things like that, and money and everything. So i'm stuck in this whirling of negativity.
it is all i can think of.
First of, never being happy with who i am or what my appearance is, I have spoken of this several times before, but it is getting to the point where it is the constant topic of the voices in my head, i'm constantly wanting to change myself, when i do, it works for the first day, then it doesn't or it doesn't at all. I get frustrated easily with myself, which makes me angry and negative. Just before, it sounds silly, but i was trying to do my hair and it just want really getting me worked up and angry because it never is the way i want it, and i was at the point where i wanted to scream at the mirror "I hate you" instead i said it under my breath.
Problem is I don't know what is me or what i want to do to myself, and even worse, i feel like I can't do anythign about it yet because of everyone else, my school, stupid stupid school, maybe my family sometimes, my age, sometimes Dhipo and what he'd think, just i feel like I can't go out and do something to try find more of me, because of things like that, and money and everything. So i'm stuck in this whirling of negativity.
it is all i can think of.
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