~The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.~

hola everyone, my hair is brown again :)

anyways,
do you guys know what you want to be when you're "grown up"? which job you would like to have?
because i don't. i honestly have no idea. and i'm 16 now, turning 17 in august.
there are a lot of things i would like to do.
something with fashion or makeup or photography, makeup artist or fashion photographer.
my biggest dream is becoming famous as an actress or singer, but the chances are not very high and yeah.
and i wish i would have started playing piano when i was 10 or something, so i would be a pro by now.
i shouldn't have stopped taking violin  lessons aswell. there are so many things i regret doing,
but i can't change it and I have to deal with it.

the last few years i told myself that i would have enough time to figure it out, but now i got to the point
where there's no more left and i need to make a decision. so i'll continue going to school, until  find out what i want to do with my life.

dear heart, this is harder than i thought&i've lost some of your peices, i think they're still with him.

its hard to move on from someone who you were 'in love' with or still are.
its even harder knowing that whilst your trying to fix your heart back together, they've already moved on.. i think thats the hardest part; watching the one you love, love someone else.
its kinda like that now, i'm trying to convince myself and everbody else that i'm over him & that i dont need him.. but its not working, people can see right through me, i'm like a fucking window.
i cant admit to myself that i need him, because my mind is taking over and telling myself that i can live without him, but i cant. i really cant.
i'll keep trying, because its back in the past and you cant re-write the past no matter how much you want to, but last week that was me, that kills me knowing that someone else is holding his hand&kissing his lips, when i know that, that should be me in her place.

however, i cant describe my feelings. a part of me wants him back, needs him back. yet another part has already let go, but no matter how hard i try, no matter how much i convince myself that i'm over him, everytime he looks my way, right there at that very moment, i'm right back to square one. i'm stuck, its like my feet are supergluded to the floor and even though i try to move, its impossible.
i know its gona take time, i also know that eventually it will happen, because i'll make it happen, even if it means i have to celotape my heart back together, however i cant do that just yet cause' half of the peices still belong to him. - x