you're everything and more

it's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want.

Love is rare, when you find it, hold on to it, i think, that the people that say we're too young to love, are crazy, when you're young, you love your teddy bear, now that you're older, you love your boyfriend, and he is just like your teddy bear, except this time, your teddy bear talks back, hugs back, and loves you back. People say that love hurts, but that isnt true. Lonliness hurts, rejection hurts, losing someone hurts. everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in the world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. 

when you find love, hold on to it, because the chances that you are going to find true love, and hapiness again, are one in a million.

We'll Help Eachother

You're Angry.

It's because of what they did to me.

Not because of what i did to myself.

You swear.

You swear You'll Love Me Forever.

I promise. 

I promise I'll stop wearing my gloves.

Because I don't need to.

Because You Make Me Warm.

Four Hundred And Eight Days.

It's There But It's Not Proof.

Proof? It's in Our Eyes.

Tomorrow? The Days After That?

That Gleem Will Still Be There.

I know.

And You Know.

Did You know that you  make me better?

It's all okay now.

Because We Help Eachother

I Love This

I love this moment in time

Right Now.

I'm sitting on my bed

Just Sitting,

listening to the radio

with the window

Open

.
I'm looking through old pictures and

Remembering

how happy we were then

and looking through recent pictures and seeing just how

Fake

of a smile that is that I'm wearing.

But then I look out the window

and I can feel Spring coming

and I forget about

Everything

that ever bothered me.

I'm aiming for the moon

but shooting for the stars,

because

I'm Done.

I don't need this. 

I'm going to forget. 

and start over.

Who I am

Hates

Who I've been

But I figure, 

if I work hard enough now

to be the person 

I know I can be

who I've been

will melt

Away

Down

"Do you think our relationship is better than theirs"

"Yes"

"Why?"

"Because I think we're more in love they are. Or once were."

Once.

It feels that way. 

I haven't said it at all today-

not to him anyways. 

You know what I'm talking about, right?

I'm not going to say it here either.

He hasn't noticed it yet.

Or, if he has, 

he hasn't said anything. 

I wonder if he reads these?

I don't think so. 

More things would be said, if so. 

I can't take the past back 

and I don't want to

all I'm saying is, 

this time it's changed.

And I think he at least gets that.

Love and Cry

I "cry".

You walk. 

We dance

to two different songs. 

You're right there

I know you are

but you're still not Here.

And I'm so jealous.

Jealous that She has the dream

and we used to talk about

when we couldn't sleep.

When we would see 

Someone

and then Imagine together

what it would be like if we were their 

Somebody

and then She went and she found her Someone.

And She's his Somebody.

And sometimes it makes me so mad.

That I'm still laying here in bed

3:30 am

can't sleep

but still Dreaming.

I've got love on my lips but it doesn't belong to me. 

I'm So Selfish

I can't decide who this going to hurt more.

Me, or him. 

Probably me. 

It's going to take me awhile to get over the fact that I let myself hurt him.

I told him I would never hurt him intentionally. 

But if I continue this charade, I'm hurting myself. 

For some reason,

it's easier to let myself hurt him, versus letting me hurt myself. 

And I hate that. 

If he, or anyone for that matter, ever says I didn't care

they're wrong. 

I can't stand this. 

I can't stand hurt.

No one needs this pain.

But the time has just come for the pain.

I welcome it, because it stands for the end of a pain. 

This new pain will hurt so much more than the other one,

but it will be so much briefer. 

And so much more worth it in the end.

So I'm Already Gone

I wonder what things are going to be like now.

Now that he's not as big of a part of my life. 

I think I'll be happier. 

He can't accept that. 

He doesn't want to.

He can't understand that this is what I need.

Maybe I was wrong earlier,

when I said this would hurt me more. 

He seems so broken.

I hate to see him like this. 

I hate knowing that it's my fault.

But I'm not doing this any longer.

I can't keep lying to myself. 

So I'm going to smile.

And go about my way. 

And yes, this will hurt him. 

But he'll find someone better. 

Someone he deserves. 

He may not agree, 

but I'm not the one for him. 

And he's not the one for me. 

Hell, we're only freshmen. 

I'm not saying you can't find love as freshmen,

but I just didn't find in him.

He may have thought he found it in me

but I think he's going to find someone

and never think again. 

I really do hate that he's hurt.

I hate that so much. 

But ohmygod I'm free.

Next Time I'll Be Prove

At this point, 

I'm finding myself wondering why I care. 

Wondering what's the point?

Things have gotten better, yes that's true,

but things are never good. 

They never were. 

That's a lie, 

maybe they were at some point, 

but I can't remember it.

What do I matter?

What am I other than one extra person?

I feel like giving up.

And maybe I should. 

That would be so much easier.

And if I can't give up,

can I not give in?

No.

I can't do that.

I won't let myself do that.

So where does this leave me?

Hoping, I suppose. 

Hoping that I can trust myself. 

It's hard to have faith in yourself when no one else has faith in you.